Monday's Muse

Simile: Choosing to believe in God is like choosing to love someone or choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone.

When you love someone, you don’t always feel love for them. The emotions that sprung up when you started to get to know them and when you realized you loved them, won’t always be there. At first, you always want to be with them, and as time goes on, you often want more of your space. It’s not that you love them less, but the initial emotions wear off. The newness has worn off.

            I think sometimes we love God like this. We love and think of him most when we see our lives coming together. When we close our eyes and feel the breeze, feel the sun beating down, or feel the coolness of a coming rain shower: we feel him in it. We feel him in the peace that shouldn’t be present during difficult or stressful times. But these feelings, emotions aren’t always there. They aren’t guaranteed. And usually, that’s when we question. Not necessarily doubt, but questions, concerns, comments. We like to know. I certainly do.

            Sometimes when we read the Bible and come across something we cannot fathom that a good God would do and we wonder how we can believe and love him despite that.

            But in life, we never love every single thing about someone. That’s unrealistic. We can say someone is “perfect” for us. They “fit.” But perfect is not perfect and fitting only goes so far. Not to be cynical, but it’s the truth.  Everyone will get on our nerves, frustrate, and aggravate us. Everyone will at some point. Everyone will do things we cannot believe they did.

            That’s where choice comes in. We love because one, we were drawn to the person, and two, we made the choice to always love them. We’re all a little ugly. We all do and say things we regret and are embarrassed about. If everyone strayed from their promise, their choice when life became difficult, we’d never follow through with anything and we’d be stuck on a slippery slope of broken promises. We’d be fickle: always looking for the easy way.

            Of course there are times I question God and the things I read. I question how the God I see as love and hope can also be jealous and vengeful, and sometimes I wonder about things I cannot even begin to understand or make sense of. But no matter how much I discuss or seek answers to some of my difficult questions, I most likely will never get an answer or at least an answer that satisfies me. Instead, I may end up more confused.

            Searching, understanding, and knowing what you believe and why is beyond important and admirable. We should never just accept what we hear blindly.

            I guess what I’m trying to say is that some days I don’t feel or see God. I see the world, pain, and disaster and I wonder why it is this way. I don’t understand how people can be so full of hate.

            But I made a choice. A choice to trust in hope, love, and faith. Because without it all, what is the point of any of it? I’d rather live dangerously and trust in hope than have no hope at all.